Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
