did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
