I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
