did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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