Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can you bring me the toilet please
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
