Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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