the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
