My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
