You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
