Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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