And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
