My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
