The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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