Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
should my penis look like a turkey
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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