Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
