You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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