i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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