we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
