I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will pee on everything he values.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
