Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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