Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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