Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
