last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
