she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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