I can tuck mytits in my pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
