After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
