what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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