True but thats because hes a fetus.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
