either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
