i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
