This is not my ceiling
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
