You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
