The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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