They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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