Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
