I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
