Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
