Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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