I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
