I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
