it was like his penis was on wheels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
