hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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