My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
