Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
