yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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