Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
