There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you had me at cake vodka
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
