Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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