great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
