dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
