I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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